Posts Tagged ‘HARPO MARX HORNS.’

MOLLIE’S RULES FOR FLIPPING OFF NYC BIKE RIDERS

Sunday, June 16th, 2013

 

MOLLIE’S RULES FOR FLIPPING OFF BIKE RIDERS

1. DON’T BE AFRAID BECAUSE THEY WILL BE TOO BUSY  ASKING  SIRI TO FLIP YOU BACK.

2.  TAKE ADVANTAGE OF FACT YOU HAVE A BARE FINGER, WHICH IS PURE, UNADULTERATED  FLIPPING OF THE BIRD  – THEY HAVE THE FINGERLESS GLOVE ARTFUL DODGER FINGER.  NO ONE TAKES THEM SERIOUSLY.  FAGEN LAUGHS AT THEM. WHEN HE’S NOT PICKPOCKETING THEIR FANNY PACKS.

3. YOU HAVE TWO FREE HANDS.  THEY HAVE HANDLE BARS TO HOLD. BUDDIES TO TEXT, SOBE COCOANUT-HUCKLEBERRY WATER TO HOLD,  KIMCHI POKBELLY ASIAN PRICKLY PEAR-INFUSED PICKLED SHITAKES RECIPES TO DOWNLOAD ON THEIR IPADS.

4.  THEY GET AWFULLY MAD WHEN THEY SEE YOU FLIP THEM THE BIRD BUT THEIR SKINNY JEANS AND PANTS CLIP PREVENT THEM FROM ACTUALY DOING ANYTHING.

5.  THEY CAN RIDE FASTER THAN YOU CAN RUN, BUT YOU CAN RUN INTO SOMETHING THEY CAN’T RIDE THEIR BIKE INTO.  LIKE THE SUBWAY.   OR A DUANE READE DRUGSTORE.

6.  IT’S HARD TO FEEL THREATENED BY THE FLIPPING OF THE BIRD BY ANYONE WITH  HARPO MARX HORN,  RATTAN GROCERY BASKET AND PLASTIC KID’S SEAT ATTACHED TO ONE’S VEHICLE.