Archive for June, 2013

WHAT’S SO CASUAL ABOUT FRIDAY?

Wednesday, June 26th, 2013

 

Mollie’s Rules for Casual Fridays

1.   Even if HR sends newsletters reminding you about Casual Fridays, don’t.  You’re barely presentable in your Hart, Schappner & Marx suit and Edward Green lace-ups.  Don’t completely kill the illusion with Dockers and a Members Only jacket.

2.  Most serious employees divide the week into “work-week” and “weekend.”  The rest of you need names for each day, apparently.  You’ve got your Casual Fridays, Wednesday is now Hump Day. 

The days of the week already have names.   If you live in NYC, why not start re-naming the streets or all types of available pasta?   That should keep you busy ‘til you die.

 

3.  Look at the attorney in the next office, who’s billing $600 an hour.  He’s wearing a suit and tie.  Look at his feet.  Those aren’t TopSiders.  Or Crocs.  Or Tevas.  Or

4.  An oh-so-thin line between “casual” and “skank.”  There’s a reason they call that store “Easy Pickins.”  And if slut isn’t your thing, 60s folksingers shouldn’t be either.  Dress Barn. Dress Barn?  If it’s flannel or plaid or Berkenstockish – save it for  your Clearwater Festival or Mcgarrigle Sisters concert.

5.  On more formal Monday-Tuesday-Wednesday-Thursdays no one at work needs to look at your bunions or hammer-toe.   Don’t grant us this “privilege on Fridays.  Your French pedicure just looks silly, and unless you possess  the power, the allure and the beauty of Lucrezia Borgia, no need for those gladiator sandals.  Yo Athena – your Hamptons Jitney Chariot awaits.  Be gone.

MOLLIE’S RULES FOR FLIPPING OFF NYC BIKE RIDERS

Sunday, June 16th, 2013

 

MOLLIE’S RULES FOR FLIPPING OFF BIKE RIDERS

1. DON’T BE AFRAID BECAUSE THEY WILL BE TOO BUSY  ASKING  SIRI TO FLIP YOU BACK.

2.  TAKE ADVANTAGE OF FACT YOU HAVE A BARE FINGER, WHICH IS PURE, UNADULTERATED  FLIPPING OF THE BIRD  – THEY HAVE THE FINGERLESS GLOVE ARTFUL DODGER FINGER.  NO ONE TAKES THEM SERIOUSLY.  FAGEN LAUGHS AT THEM. WHEN HE’S NOT PICKPOCKETING THEIR FANNY PACKS.

3. YOU HAVE TWO FREE HANDS.  THEY HAVE HANDLE BARS TO HOLD. BUDDIES TO TEXT, SOBE COCOANUT-HUCKLEBERRY WATER TO HOLD,  KIMCHI POKBELLY ASIAN PRICKLY PEAR-INFUSED PICKLED SHITAKES RECIPES TO DOWNLOAD ON THEIR IPADS.

4.  THEY GET AWFULLY MAD WHEN THEY SEE YOU FLIP THEM THE BIRD BUT THEIR SKINNY JEANS AND PANTS CLIP PREVENT THEM FROM ACTUALY DOING ANYTHING.

5.  THEY CAN RIDE FASTER THAN YOU CAN RUN, BUT YOU CAN RUN INTO SOMETHING THEY CAN’T RIDE THEIR BIKE INTO.  LIKE THE SUBWAY.   OR A DUANE READE DRUGSTORE.

6.  IT’S HARD TO FEEL THREATENED BY THE FLIPPING OF THE BIRD BY ANYONE WITH  HARPO MARX HORN,  RATTAN GROCERY BASKET AND PLASTIC KID’S SEAT ATTACHED TO ONE’S VEHICLE.